Welcome Home!

Mum had orginally said that she never wanted to come back to the house again, because that was her and Dads house, but as she spent time thinking about it in Hospital, she decided that she should go back and she how she felt. She was in her wheelchair, and got pushed into the house ... and then left alone. It's what she wanted, time alone in the nest that her and her soul mate had shared so many memories in.

During the time of Mum being in Hospital, I had to find a house for me, A and the baby to move into. Luckily, I found one within a week of looking, so we had moved in just before Christmas. So that when Mum returned home, it would just be her and Jess, no stress from too many bodies in the house.

Mum had a stairlift fitted in her house, but she refused to use it, and bum shuffled up and down the stairs. It was funny to watch, and a classic example of her personality. I went to visit every day, and again ... we decided to make another Rota for "carers". It was decided that me, Nan & Grandad and my Auntie S (Mums sister) would care for Mum throughout the week.

After a few days at home Mum started to relax, she was back in her natural environment. We had to go to the Mobility Centre regularly so that Mum could have her prosthetic leg made and fitted. And so she would eventually learn to walk again. And she was determined! As she was about everything, she told me ... "I will walk again, there's no doubt about that."

Mum had to go to London to have intensive physio, and it felt like a part of me was lost. I rang her everyday to see how she was, probably to make myself feel better! My mum is my best friend, and after spending every day with her, it was weird and unnatural for her to be gone for a week and me not see her. When she came back she was very tired, but of course I went to see her!!

She was recovering very well, apart from one thing ... that huge bloody prefix on her arm. The cage had to go ...

Life Goes On ...

As time went by, and Mum recovered in Hospital, life at home had to continue.

J went back to school, my brother went back to work and I continued to look after my baby and run the house. But every evening, after the busy day had gone by, we would go back to the hospital and sit with our Mummy, bring her naughty treats and tell her about our days.

Every day was a huge step. Sitting up by herself, holding a cup, feeding herself, taking herself to the toilet ... but most of all ... smiling, and laughing. It's what we all needed. It seemed like such a long time ago that we sat in that cold hospital room and the Nurse had told us not to expect our Mum to live. And now, here she was eating Brownies and being cheeky to the nurses, nearly back to her normal self!

We would talk about Dad almost every hour of every day. He was such a huge part of our lives that there was no way that it could be ignored, and no way it would want to be. Everyone got upset, everyone cried. But that was important for our grieving, we needed to do that to be able to move on. Dad wouldn't want us sitting at home feeling sorry for ourselves ... he'd want us to remember the good times.

After 3 Months, on January 17th ... Mum came home.

Recovery

As time went by, mum grew stronger. She was woken up at 4.00pm on Thursday and we were sat by her bedside as she came round. It was so hard sitting there, she cried for what seemed like hours. She had known that Dad had died, as she had been concious the whole time of the crash, but she hadn't known about her leg.

I stood next to her, stroking her hair, telling her everything would be ok ... but she had lost her right leg. But this was nothing, she had lost her husband, nothing could be worse than that. I remember her saying over and over ... "This is the longest day of my life." ... and to be honest, it was the longest week of ours.

After a few days Mum was able to speak a lot better and began to tell us what had happened, although it was so difficult for her, running it through her head again and again. But she felt we needed to know, and so she was strong - as she always is - and told us.

Over the week following the accident Mum grew stronger and stronger, and eventually was moved from Intensive Care to a Amputee Ward. That was the best thing to come from this horrible situation. It meant that Mum was safe and strong enough that she would not need 24 hour monitoring. She was moved into her own private room, althouh it was a box and you could hardly move, it was a place where we could gather and just cuddle our mummy.

She didn't want to be left alone, at all. Mum is a very organised person, and so, we compiled a Rota for everyone to know when they should come in and spend time with her. Days, and nights were covered. Everyone was there beside her, being strong and showing support.

If I could, I would have been there every day and every night. But it just wasn't possible, I had a 3 month old baby, and there were things that needed sorting out at home. Calls to make, people to see, and life to carry on with.

I tried to take my mind off of the emotional stress by going shopping, keeping myself busy. Cleaning, cooking ... picking up on old things that had never been finished and needed to be done. I guess that was my way of coping. I felt I needed to stay strong for my Mum, and for my brother and sister. I think that was the best way for me to cope, and it helped.

We were told that Mum would be in Hospital for a long time, not weeks ... months.

The Day Our Life Changes ... Forever

Nobody really realises what they have got until it's gone. And a lot of people say this, but you really don't.

I knew I had a wonderful family. I loved them and they loved me. Especially my parents, me and Mum were like best friends and I was a complete Daddys girl. My Mum and Dad were soulmates, you could just see it and I think that was the glue that held us all together. Our family just seemed to fit, there was never really any tension, and everyone knew their place and we were all very happy.

I would give anything to have that back ...

On Monday November 10th last year, I was living at my mum and dads, with my little sister J (13yrs old), A (The Partner) and O (my son). J had gone to school and Mum and Dad had left for work on their motorbike. Leaving me, A and O upstairs in bed, fast asleep. At 9.00am there was a knock on the door that woke me up, I got up and dressed and went to answer, there stood our close family and friends, M and D. I was really happy to see them as I hadn't for a while and asked what they were doing here so early ... Then I saw their faces.

I knew something was wrong. I kept asking what was wrong over and over. They ushered me inside and told me that there had been an accident. Mum was in Hospital very badly hurt ... and Dad hadn't made it. He died. - Tears stream down my face as I write this to you. I miss my Daddy so much. Their bike was hit by an oncoming car. The car was overtaking on a blind corner, Dad was driving and mum was a pillion passenger ... they didnt stand a chance. The car hit them head on. Dad was unconcious immediatly and didn't regain conciousness, and mum rolled about 6 meters into the grass on the side of the road.

As M and D told me this I broke down, it felt unreal. Then I thought about Mum ... what was wrong with her? Would she be ok? ... They didn't know. M went upstairs to tell A, who then came downstairs silently and did nothing but hold me close and let me cry. I then called my brother (who lives away from home but still in the same town) and told him to come to mums straight away. I didnt tell him why, just told him to come. When he arrived I told him, he too broke down. Then Jess arrived from school ... poor little 13 year old J. She had no idea what was going on, I didn't have the strength to tell her, so M did. She didn't cry, she stood there ... stunned.

I drove to the Hospital that night with my brother to find out what had happened to mum. She was in intensive care. She had her right leg amputated and both of her arms were broken. She had a massive metal cage fitted to her right arm (which is still there now) and she was connected to a breathing tube. She had a 10% chance of survival.

None of us knew what would happen that night, none of us slept.

I had never wanted my Daddy so badly as I did that night. At least I had A and my gorgeous little boy to keep me company.

Mum done really well through the night, and had upped her chance of survival to 30%. She just kept growing stronger and stronger. They had kept her sedated as they knew if she was awake shock would kick in, and that's the last thing she needed with having two massive operations and loosing her soul mate. And so, we waited. Sitting by her bed, talking to her, stroking her hair and telling her we were there, no matter what.

Some people say that if people are unconcious, wether it be through sedation or comas, a part of them can still hear you. I didn't know wether Mum could hear, I think I just needed to talk to her to reassure myself. We sat for hours, all of the family there and then the Coroner came to see me. Me and my brother had asked to see Dad in the Chapel of Rest on the Tuesday (the day after the accident). He had come to tell us that we could, in a few hours.

We sat with Mum until that time came, telling her we were going to see Daddy and say goodbye.

Then, me and my Brother walked to the Chapel ... smoking the whole way. We were taken into a small waiting room were the Coroner explained to use what we would see when we went into the room where Dad was to say goodbye. I'm not going to write about this bit, as it was very personal for both me and my brother, and I don't think any one else needs to know.

Back in Intensive Care the Nursing Staff told us that they were planning on waking Mum up on Wednesday at 12.00pm. Me and my Brother were both shattered, and I hadn't seen my son in two days. So we went back to Mums room, kissed her forehead and told her we would be back tomorrow to talk to her when she was awake. The drive home was horrible, not wanting to leave Mum, even though other family members were there. I couldn't help but feel completly helpless.

A was my rock, when I cried he said nothing, he just hugged me and dried my tears. I don't suppose there was anything he could say at that point. What could he say? 'Everythings going to be alright?' ...